Someone stole my bicycle... Sure it wasnt great, sure it needed servicing but I loved that bloody thing!!!

My fault for not locking it.

Whoever took it, ...

I am having a love hate relationship with the Emergency Dept. At times I really enjoy myself, I love the crazy pace of things and everythings really unexpected. But there are times when I feel really incompetent and in trying to get everything done I do a sloppy job and I absolutely hate that. Its only been 3 weeks, I'll get used to it somehow. My bank balance has never seemed as pathetic as it does now. I have given up bothering too much about money these days seriously, I have been trying to save up for the last year and where has that gotten me?

The stench of this city on late nights I can't stand. The stale ciggs and foul odour of piss in their breath.

I am exhausted but I cant sleep. I miss home. Where is home?

I feel sick in my stomach. It feels like so long ago since I felt this way. Memories I rather let die, emotions I rather be without. I feel like a teenager, immature and selfish, lamenting on issues that no longer matter. This facade I've taken ages to build up, now stripped bare to the world I can't hide away my ugliness that haunts my every being. I am trying to forget. I rather forget then remember the things that once were. Past and present they are all mixed up as one in my head, my emotions spirialling out of control, I try to find my centre where ever it may be.

I am not myself. Do not take offend of my remarks, I don't really mean it. I am not the one speaking. Its something else. Really.

Find me my cure.

Today in a few words...

I'd like to be a godma!

Work was friggin busy...bloody loved it!

Flirted with one guy(?) and killed another guy ego.

and

HAPPY BDAY JANU BABY!!!

we are only as old as we think we are...

Miss you!

Love you...

I have to say workin in DPU is rather… different.

Yes, that’s the best word that comes to mind. It’s definitely unlike the wards, no morning showers!!! And also no fussing with medications and bloody notes! I am whingeing again.

Sure it has its own challenges. I got to work with children today. It bothers me at times, seeing them so helpless and they are so innocent too. I feel for the parents, if it were my kid I’d be really fussed too.

Supernumery day ends as of today and I fly solo tomorrow. There will be mess ups I am certain of it, just hope it’s not too great of an issue. With this job, you’ll never know will you? So bugger it, just need to take it in my stride.

I get lost under the scrubs; I need really small custom made ones instead. Can’t get what you always want though. Only two days down and I’m buggered. I need my beauty sleep.

Happy anni baby, I love you.

Ran to keep warm Throat’s as coarse as sandpaper Smiled to a stranger Smiled to a familiar face Too cloudy for Holga Sunny days I await Cyanosed nails, foggy breath Spoke my mind, felt lighter Got ignored, I gave up “We are the children of the night, we are the children…!” blasting in my ears The world remains quiet

“…there are two reasons why people cry, one is when they feel sorry for themselves, second is when they are really, really sad…”
the twelve kingdoms.

I have Foreign Land on repeat. I want to go see Eskimo Joe in concert in August. Someone go with me please…

Two weeks annual leave is almost over. I need to keep my hands and mind busy. Kept them idle for a day and it got me all angsty, it’s not good. Driving starts Friday, feeling slightly apprehensive yet looking forward to it.

I miss my mates. I feel like I have been neglecting everyone. I need to reply emails, write letters answer text msgs and meet up with some.

My last day at 2 North was bittersweet. They planned afternoon tea which was completely unexpected and I forgot to buy a “Thank You” card for the ward. I felt like a bad person but didn’t think much about it after. A part of me was dying to get out of there. No offence to the staff, they are champions. I was just getting sick and tired of riding on the train and winter’s just started so it wouldn’t have been pleasant.

I can’t wait to start at DPU. I’ll be working only on weekdays and the shift times are more flexible. It means less pay and more free time on weekends. I might try and improve my social life a little then, or I’ll have more time with my Holga.

I need to service my push bike; it’s too cold to run now. Leaves my throat dry raw and my nose runs too, not a very pretty sight at all. I’m going to join gym instead and ride my bike although it’s a little too tall for me. I have short legs you see. I’ll have to let go of a few self indulges so I can join. Yesh! And swim in the heated pools. I have to start soon before it’s too late. Most importantly keep busy, busy, and busy.

Janu baby! I love the scarf!!! Thank you!

Ok bye.

loverhater