I have to say workin in DPU is rather… different.

Yes, that’s the best word that comes to mind. It’s definitely unlike the wards, no morning showers!!! And also no fussing with medications and bloody notes! I am whingeing again.

Sure it has its own challenges. I got to work with children today. It bothers me at times, seeing them so helpless and they are so innocent too. I feel for the parents, if it were my kid I’d be really fussed too.

Supernumery day ends as of today and I fly solo tomorrow. There will be mess ups I am certain of it, just hope it’s not too great of an issue. With this job, you’ll never know will you? So bugger it, just need to take it in my stride.

I get lost under the scrubs; I need really small custom made ones instead. Can’t get what you always want though. Only two days down and I’m buggered. I need my beauty sleep.

Happy anni baby, I love you.

Ran to keep warm Throat’s as coarse as sandpaper Smiled to a stranger Smiled to a familiar face Too cloudy for Holga Sunny days I await Cyanosed nails, foggy breath Spoke my mind, felt lighter Got ignored, I gave up “We are the children of the night, we are the children…!” blasting in my ears The world remains quiet

“…there are two reasons why people cry, one is when they feel sorry for themselves, second is when they are really, really sad…”
the twelve kingdoms.

I have Foreign Land on repeat. I want to go see Eskimo Joe in concert in August. Someone go with me please…

Two weeks annual leave is almost over. I need to keep my hands and mind busy. Kept them idle for a day and it got me all angsty, it’s not good. Driving starts Friday, feeling slightly apprehensive yet looking forward to it.

I miss my mates. I feel like I have been neglecting everyone. I need to reply emails, write letters answer text msgs and meet up with some.

My last day at 2 North was bittersweet. They planned afternoon tea which was completely unexpected and I forgot to buy a “Thank You” card for the ward. I felt like a bad person but didn’t think much about it after. A part of me was dying to get out of there. No offence to the staff, they are champions. I was just getting sick and tired of riding on the train and winter’s just started so it wouldn’t have been pleasant.

I can’t wait to start at DPU. I’ll be working only on weekdays and the shift times are more flexible. It means less pay and more free time on weekends. I might try and improve my social life a little then, or I’ll have more time with my Holga.

I need to service my push bike; it’s too cold to run now. Leaves my throat dry raw and my nose runs too, not a very pretty sight at all. I’m going to join gym instead and ride my bike although it’s a little too tall for me. I have short legs you see. I’ll have to let go of a few self indulges so I can join. Yesh! And swim in the heated pools. I have to start soon before it’s too late. Most importantly keep busy, busy, and busy.

Janu baby! I love the scarf!!! Thank you!

Ok bye.

For you...

I wake up all alone, somewhere unfamiliar.
Been gone so many days, Im losing count.
When I think of home, I see your face.
I know I have to wait

I miss hearing your laughter
And all the little things
Forgotten what its like to hold you
Cause where I am right now so unforgiving
Its numbing everything

So promise
No matter how long it takes for me to get back to you
You'll wait for me

I Promise
No matter how far away I go
I'll come back for you
Just wait and see

I miss being at home
I miss your face
Dont think I can wait...

We're so close, yet so far
It's tearing me apart
What I would do to be there with you

So close yet so far
Its tearing me apart
What I would do to be back with you

No matter how far away I go I'll come back for you
I promise...

hoobastank - so close so far

Every single moment I look forward to, the outcome never satisfy my expectations. My mind is as foggy as the path I walk in the ungodly hour as the world sleeps. The ray of sun creeps like a tease, illuminating its way through a gloomy pasture, yet it brings no warmth. The chill in the air lingers stubbornly, the winter breeze making my bones shiver. If only there was a switch to help me control these sentiments I’d be so much happier. Rightfully hollow, then I’d be happy to play your petty little games with a grin in my face while I rot away inside.

Pounding my boots on the gravel to the beat of the drums and bass in my head, I wish to disappear. Be anywhere but here. I feel it all, I feel it all. I am fighting back all the negative urges. You wouldn’t like me if I gave in.

Dying in a foreign land,
So do you understand that?

this is what it feels to love than I can feel that, this is what it feels to love than I can feel that...

Run, we keep running. So I'll run. Keep running. Never can stop me, out of my way.

runaway.

I’d be lying if I said I am not disappointed. Their decision, it does bother me. I tried letting go, thinking its family, I have to be happy for my big sis. However, it seems I have to try harder.

She said she will marry in two weeks time. Why? I wonder. Why the rush? True she isn’t getting any younger, yet how long have they been dating? Maybe it’s just my protective nature; I don’t want her to get hurt.

I have been avoiding all phone calls, their attempts of explanation. Honestly, I rather not know. I can’t tell the truth from the lies anymore.

Deep inside this stubborn being lies a soft spot and all I can say is, you have my blessing sis. I know you want this. I can’t say it out loud but really, stay happy. It’s about time.



Work is exhausting. Its like a mad house compared to what I was used to before. Not so much the people but just the sheer rush of things and the load.

I know I have no right to winge considering the fact that my dear friends have it tougher than I do. I don’t know how you guys do it. I feel like I have been spoon fed then thrown out into the world, the hand that once fed me no longer in sight.

I am still learning, trying to get the grasp of things and nothing surprises me anymore. I have a long way to go. It’s only been a month, 3 more to go! Before starting over again.



Some days I feel like packing up my things and moving out from this place. What I miss most about my other life was I could run whenever I wanted to, wherever I wanted to because I had places I could seek solace from, mates I could waste away with.

Then I remember I am not young anymore. I can’t be stupid and irresponsible like I once was. I live in a box with a beautiful view. I want new Asics shoes so I can climb up the thousand steps when I feel like what I felt today. Direct my anger into something positive. Now that’s a challenge.

I want Rabin to move out as soon as he can. I don’t mean to chase him away. As long as he keeps the place tidy he is very welcome. I am sick and tired of playing maid and cleaning mouse droppings from the cupboards. I killed the last living mice at home with a water bottle. Not proud of it but it was eating into all our cereals and bread, it had to die.

I hope he finds a job soon; pay shoes back and then move out with his mates. Yes, that would be good.



I might get my learners permit tomorrow provided I pass. If that happens, 6 months later time to buy a cheap ass car. Then, hello freedom.


spaceman

loverhater