This loneliness only grows deeper. I miss you, you and you, everyone of you...

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake and miss you.
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me.
I'd send a postcard to you dear,
'Cause I wish you were here.

I'll watch the night turn light blue.
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find repose in new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here...

owl city - vanilla twilight

Someone stole my bicycle... Sure it wasnt great, sure it needed servicing but I loved that bloody thing!!!

My fault for not locking it.

Whoever took it, ...

I am having a love hate relationship with the Emergency Dept. At times I really enjoy myself, I love the crazy pace of things and everythings really unexpected. But there are times when I feel really incompetent and in trying to get everything done I do a sloppy job and I absolutely hate that. Its only been 3 weeks, I'll get used to it somehow. My bank balance has never seemed as pathetic as it does now. I have given up bothering too much about money these days seriously, I have been trying to save up for the last year and where has that gotten me?

The stench of this city on late nights I can't stand. The stale ciggs and foul odour of piss in their breath.

I am exhausted but I cant sleep. I miss home. Where is home?

I feel sick in my stomach. It feels like so long ago since I felt this way. Memories I rather let die, emotions I rather be without. I feel like a teenager, immature and selfish, lamenting on issues that no longer matter. This facade I've taken ages to build up, now stripped bare to the world I can't hide away my ugliness that haunts my every being. I am trying to forget. I rather forget then remember the things that once were. Past and present they are all mixed up as one in my head, my emotions spirialling out of control, I try to find my centre where ever it may be.

I am not myself. Do not take offend of my remarks, I don't really mean it. I am not the one speaking. Its something else. Really.

Find me my cure.

Today in a few words...

I'd like to be a godma!

Work was friggin busy...bloody loved it!

Flirted with one guy(?) and killed another guy ego.

and

HAPPY BDAY JANU BABY!!!

we are only as old as we think we are...

Miss you!

Love you...

I have to say workin in DPU is rather… different.

Yes, that’s the best word that comes to mind. It’s definitely unlike the wards, no morning showers!!! And also no fussing with medications and bloody notes! I am whingeing again.

Sure it has its own challenges. I got to work with children today. It bothers me at times, seeing them so helpless and they are so innocent too. I feel for the parents, if it were my kid I’d be really fussed too.

Supernumery day ends as of today and I fly solo tomorrow. There will be mess ups I am certain of it, just hope it’s not too great of an issue. With this job, you’ll never know will you? So bugger it, just need to take it in my stride.

I get lost under the scrubs; I need really small custom made ones instead. Can’t get what you always want though. Only two days down and I’m buggered. I need my beauty sleep.

Happy anni baby, I love you.

Ran to keep warm Throat’s as coarse as sandpaper Smiled to a stranger Smiled to a familiar face Too cloudy for Holga Sunny days I await Cyanosed nails, foggy breath Spoke my mind, felt lighter Got ignored, I gave up “We are the children of the night, we are the children…!” blasting in my ears The world remains quiet

“…there are two reasons why people cry, one is when they feel sorry for themselves, second is when they are really, really sad…”
the twelve kingdoms.

loverhater